and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
