I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
