Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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