alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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