I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
