The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
