So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
