and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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