I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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