Only a mothe r could love this liver
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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