Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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