so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
