Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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