I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
