Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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