that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
