just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
