whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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