Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
