Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
