Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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