My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
