Non-Jews are for practice
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
