I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Too much gin, very little bucket
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
