I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
