Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
