And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
