Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I want her autograph on my taint
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
