I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
