I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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