My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Floor bacon is actually really good
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
