This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
