You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
