Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
