Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm sobbing to NWA
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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