Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
