I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
