You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
