have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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