that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
