How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
