the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
