Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
