so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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