I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
