Can i not drive my cunt home
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
its not stalking. its research.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
