How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
