we have pet lesbian snakes
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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