Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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