I wish I only lived at night.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
