Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Randomize
