I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
