sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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