The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I need to sanitize my soul.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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